Orochimaru's Birthday Surprise
by HisokaYukiko
Summary: Today, October 27th, is Orochimaru's birthday, and Kabuto decides to throw him a birthday party. Oneshot crack fic.


Incase anyone forgot, these are the Sound Four:

Sakon/Ukon: The twin brothers. Ukon lives inside Sakon. They went up against Kiba. In this fic, Ukon is dormant. Unmentioned. MIA. Got that?

Tayuya: The sexy red haired chick that was totally beating Shikamaru.

Kidomaru: The six armed spider dude that looks like Iruka on steroids who fought Neji.

Jirobo: The ugly fat guy that got his ass handed to him by _the_ cool and sexy Choji!

In this fic, Sasuke already lives with Orochimaru, but the Sound Four are still alive. I know that's not possible, but this is MY crackfic, so anything is possible.

Now, ON WITH THE SHOW!

Orochimaru's Birthday Surprise

It was a beautiful morning for Orochimaru. The clouds were gray, the rain was pouiring, and a frightening thunderstorm was raging outside. He sat up in bed, stretching his arms out, taking in the fresh smells of the morning.

All of a sudden, a snake slithered out from under his sheets. Orochimaru rubbed his eyes sleepily, trying to see it clearly. When he realized who it was, he wrapped his arms around the snake joyfully. "Good morning, Mini-me!" Orochimaru exclaimed. The snake hissed in response.

Orochimaru went into the bathroom to freshen up. He approached the mirror with a blithe spirit. "Good morning, beautiful!" He exclaimed to his reflection. He gave the mirror a toothy smile. It's only response was to produce a crack.

He started brushing his hair. "I wonder why I feel so happy this morning..." Orochimaru spoke to the cracked mirror aloud. He suddeny gasped in excitement. "Maybe I'll finally get to second base with Sasuke today!"

Orochimaru finished brushing his hair and then began to apply his makeup. _Hmm... _He thought to himself._ I think today is supposed to be a special day... _He finished his makeup and set to work shaving his legs. _If it's not about the weather, and it's not about Sasuke, then what is it? I keep getting the feeling that today was supposed to be something..._

He finished up in the bathroom, put on his bright pink robe and snakey slippers and made his way downstairs._ I guess I'll ask Kabu-kun. Maybe he knows what today is._

He went into the kitchen and sat down at the table. Kabuto immediatley came to the table with a tray full with pancakes, toast, cereal, and dead frogs and snails. Orochimaru let out a girly laugh, "Oh, Kabuto, I can't eat all that for breakfast! You know I'm on a diet!"

"Don't worry, Lord Orochimaru, you can atleast indulge yourself today of all days. After all, it_ is _your birthday."

_MY BIRTHDAY?! _Orochimaru stared at Kabuto in shock. "Oh, so THAT'S what today is!"

"Yep. Today is your fifty-second birthday."

"I'm fifty two...?" Orochimaru whispered, appalled. He slowly raised his head to glare at Kabuto with one golden iris, unhidden by his hair.

Kabuto's eyes widened as he scrambled for a good comeback in his mind. "B-but you don't look a day over fifty-one, my lord!"

Orochimaru's glare turned into a smile. He giggled girlishly and waved Kabuto's comment off. "Oh, you!" He squealed. "Don't try to flatter me. I know I'm cute! Hehehe..." He turned back to his breakfast.

Kabuto sighed in relief. "So... Umm, Lord Orochimaru? What would you like to do for your birthday?"

"Hmm?" Orochimaru inquired, while chewing on his dead frogs. "Well, I was thinking about pillaging some villages, killing some kittens, or maybe we could pick up some cute little boys, or..." Orochimaru trailed off in thought.

"How about a birthday party?" Kabuto suggested.

"A birthday party...?" Orochimaru raised one eyebrow.

"Yes. What birthday is complete without a birthday par-"

"No." Orochimaru interrupted. "No birthday party."

"But-"

"No buts! I hate birthday parties!" Kabuto sat down silently and let Orochimaru finish his breakfast.

After breakfast, Orochimaru stood up and said, "I'm going to go to that Michael Jackson Impersonator's club. I'll be back by around noon, if I don't decide to stop and kill some people on the way back."

He started to walk out, but stopped. "Oh, and Kabuto?" He said, without turning around. "No birthday party, you got that?"

"Yes, Lord Orochimaru."

"Good. Now, toodles!" Orochimaru skipped out the door.

As soon as he was sure his lord had gone, Kabuto ran upstairs and woke the Sound Four and Sasuke up. The six of them gathered around as Kabuto explained, "Some of you may not know this, but today is Orochimaru's birthday..."

* * *

Orochimaru skipped back to the hideout, later that day. As he stepped inside, he wondered why everything was so quiet. _Oh, no... _He thought. _Don't let it be... _He flipped on the lights.

"SUPRPISE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, OROCHIMARU!" The sound four and Kabuto all popped out from behind the furniture. Everyone popped a bunch of exploding-party thingies and blew those crazy party whistle thingies in Orochimaru's face.

Kabuto was wearing a weird green disco outfit. Everyone else was in regular clothes, instead of the purple-bow uniforms. Most of them wore stupid birthday hats. A giant banner hung fron the ceiling that said, "Happy Birthday Orochimaru". Streamers and other decorations were hung all over the place.

Orochimaru's eye twitched and a vein popped in his forehead. "Kabuto..." He growled.

Sakon popped one of those exploding confetti thingamajiggers in Orochimaru's face. "Happy birthday!" He exclaimed. The confetti landed in Orochimaru's hair and the vein in his forehead pulsated to a colossal size.

"Kabuto..." Orochimaru growled again. "I told you I don't WANT a birthday party!"

"Aww, cheer up, Lord Orochimaru. Birthday parties are fun! Especially when there's... DISCO!" Kabuto started randomly disco dancing to the birthday theme Tayuya was playing on her flute.

"First of all, I HATE fun! I'm supposed to be evil. Second of all, that banner is supposed to say, 'Happy Birthday LORD Orochimaru', and leaving out the 'lord' part means you don't respect me!"

Sakon shrugged. "We couldn't fit in the 'lord' part. Your name took up half the banner in itself."

"And THIRD of all," Orochimaru continued, "Where is Sasuke?"

Kabuto stopped his disco dancing for a moment to answer the question. "He couldn't make it. He said that birthday parties were stupid and that that is NOT the reason he joined our league in the first place. But don't worry. We don't need him to have DISCO FUN!" Kabuto stuck out his hands in different directions, making a disco pose. Tayuya resumed her flute playing. Jirobo started dancing to Tayuya's playing as well, causing the ground to shake beneath them.

Orochimaru grumbled. "And why aren't you all in your Sound unforms?! Oh, by the way, where did you get that cute outfit, Tayuya? I loooove the top! Does it come in my size?"

"Incoming!" A yell came from the kitchen. Kidomaru slowly walked in, balancing a two-layered cake in his two upper-arms. In his third arm, he held a giftwrapped present. He had a cone-shaped party hat on his head. Orochimaru was horrified to discover that the cake had plastic letters on the top that said, 'Too Old'.

"CAKE!" Jirobo exclaimed, rubbing his stomache. He was wearing a dirty 'Born To Party' T-shirt. Orochimaru winced at the fat man's bad fasion sense.

"Ah-ah-ah, Jirobo." Kidomaru wagged his free finger. "No cake for you. You have to go on a diet, remember?"

"C'mon, it's a birthday party! And I want CAKE! NOW!" Jirobo yelled.

"The first piece is for the birthday boy!" Kidomaru argued.

"Oh! That reminds me!" Kabuto suddenly exclaimed. "I forgot about the crown!"

"...Crown?" Orochimaru asked.

Kabuto pulled out a paper crown that said 'Birthday Boy' on it and placed it atop Orochimaru's head.

"Now we can get this party started!"

Two minutes later, Kabuto and the other Sound Four were lying dead on the floor.

The End.

A/N: LOL! I am a freak, I know. But I just wanted to celebrate Orochimaru's official birthday by writing a fic. Yes, that's right. It really IS Orochimaru's birthday. October 27. Atleast, that's what it says on Absolute Anime. And, no, I don't know his real age. In the anime, he's supposed to be the same age as Jiraiya and Tsunade, and they're exactly 50.

Anyway, umm... Review, please. Thank you.

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